you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
