In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
