My cat gives me a boner
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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