In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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