I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry about my life...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
