It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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