i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
