Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
