And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
