I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
