Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
