The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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