she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
