That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
