Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
