someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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