In America we eat man semen.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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