was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
