New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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