I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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