Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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