the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
