I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Even my vagina gasped.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
