my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
