quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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