I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
