I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
