All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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