Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
