onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
