note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
