i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
