So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
