You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
