Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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