He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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