man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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