making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.