There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.