He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months