just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have tasted many bathrooms
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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