he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
