i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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