I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
