your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
