Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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