and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
