No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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