if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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