HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it because I queefed?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
