I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
