Kiss
Puke
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
