Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.