I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.