I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
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No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.