yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.