hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool