hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
