my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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