just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
