Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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