Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Welp...herpes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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