so that wasnt chicken after all
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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