Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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