DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
