So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
