The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
