Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
