Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
