I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
