Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
