If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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