i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
