I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
