im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
