you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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