Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
