I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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